A Load I Cannot Bear

It still shocks me at times, that this is my life now; that my beautiful, blonde headed, playful baby boy no longer sleeps in mommy's bed, not because he grew older and transitioned to his own big boy bed, but because he's no longer here. Every night, I lay his "wee woo puppy," as he called it, in the spot where he slept for over 2 years, clinging to what was, and allow it to fill a physical and emotional void, as best a stuffed toy can. Tonight, it seems not even wee woo puppy can dry my tears.

There will be moments along your grief journey where it strikes at the most unprecedented times. You'll feel as though you've taken 20 steps back, and feelings you thought you had overcome present themselves again. It's painful, it's alarming, but do not let these moments stop your progress.

Drive your stake, address your present feelings, and take it to God.

I can feel with my entire being when I am carrying a load I can no longer bear. I may stubbornly stagger under the weight a little while, but it always brings me to my knees, and in that moment, I cry out to God. I give up my heavy load, and fall into the embrace of the Father. And when He's picked me up and put me back together again, I pick up my stake and I move forward. I don't go back, I don't bear the burdens of yesterday, I just keeping walking in the strength of the Lord.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and owlv in heart: and ve shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30