If We Faint Not

Church is no easy task for a Mama. Waking and readying everyone in their Sunday best in hopes that, for once, your children will sit through the service without requiring their usual amount of attention so that, for once, you can leave feeling restored rather then mentally exhausted.

My Sunday best now smells like sour milk, the church pew is soaked in baby vomit, we missed dinner on the grounds with our church family, and the baby has gone through so many outfits he now lies naked.

I didn’t get what I went for, what I wanted for myself, but, as usual, God still made a way to speak to me.

I’ve felt so empty lately, wondering who I am, and if I’m living my full potential. I’ve asked myself what will be left of me once I’ve raised my children, having given my whole life to them? What will I do when they are grown? I’ve sacrificed my career, my goals, even my dreams, to stay home and be their mother...will there be anything left for me, of me, when they are no longer in need of my care?

I can’t speak for what is to come of my life in the distant future, but in the chaos of being thrown up on in the middle of church, a still small voice spoke to me and said “this is exactly where you are supposed to be.” So, here I am, still not showered and smelling heavily of spoiled breast milk, comforting my sick baby to sleep with the satisfying knowledge that I gave God my best today.

I only felt empty inside because I was trying to find meaning in myself, and what I can do for myself, rather than in God, and what HE can do for me.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I do know who holds the future, and I know He holds my hand, so I will continue walking in faith knowing that I have been created for such a time as this.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians‬ ‭6:9‬