Life After Loss
One of the many things that isn't talked about surrounding grief, is the amount of strength it takes just to do the day to day things, such as simply cooking dinner or even going to the store. Since Briggs' accident, I am very easily affected by things that never affected me before. A loud noise, the shriek of a child, the sound of a siren, even too many people talking at once triggers me into flight mode. There's been countless instances where I wanted to leave my full cart and walk out of a store because I was so anxiety ridden by my surroundings. But the thing is, I can't just walk out because then who will do it? I can't just stay home and never leave again because that isn't healthy for anyone, is it?
I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how draining or hard it is because life must go on. Life does go on, and we, those of us carrying the weight of grief, have to choose to continue with that weight, or let it burry us alive.
Sol cook the meal my baby loved because my living child also loves that meal. And I go to the store and get the things needed for my home and pause and pray as many times as it takes to make it through the checkout and back to my safe place. I endure all of the unspoken, daily anxieties surrounding grief because it's up to me and only me to continue the journey and to trust God to walk this path with me.
I feel every physical and mental limitation following the death of our son, most I don't talk about or share, but I've come to realize it's unfair to everyone around me, and others facing the same battle, to expect more from us than we can give.
The truth is, trauma and loss cause life altering effects, and all we can do is hope and pray for God to heal our minds and make our bodies and hearts whole again.
I say this all to bring awareness and to ask you for your grace and patience towards those suffering loss and carrying the unexplainable weight of grief. They, we, will never be the same. This doesn't mean we are broken or weak, but it means we're simply different than before, and yes, different than those who have never walked the path we have been so unfortunate to walk.
